Handicap again and again.
I would have liked to make a happy home. With lots of laughter, love, warmth, understanding, culture, conversation.
Instead I have this disease and with me everyone else close to me. I cannot wrestle myself free from the dependence on a daily basis, or concerning bigger issues. Issues like raising my children without too many bruises, getting proper aid, having an income. Sometimes it is a lonely struggle; it seems to have advantages for other people when you are weakened.
I haven’t even mentioned coping with the disease, holding on to a perspective.
I don’t think I have such extraordinary problems, but this handicap deprives me from the ability of keeping my own direction.