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Friday, June 15, 2018

Post 85.

Handicap again and again.
I would have liked to make a happy home. With lots of laughter, love, warmth, understanding, culture, conversation.
Instead I have this disease and with me everyone else close to me. I cannot wrestle myself free from the dependence on a daily basis, or concerning bigger issues. Issues like raising my children without too many bruises, getting proper aid, having an income. Sometimes it is a lonely struggle; it seems to have advantages for other people when you are weakened.
I haven’t even mentioned coping with the disease, holding on to a perspective.

I don’t think I have such extraordinary problems, but this handicap deprives me from the ability of keeping my own direction.

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Post 84.


Some day
I will go away.
I will be free,
I will be me.

I will be a thought, or a feeling,
Not a human being.
Will I have given all?
Will I have said it all?

Sunday, June 3, 2018

Post 83.

A little while ago I had a party with some good friends and family. Something bad happened to me, coincidentally at the same moment.
But bad things can turn into good things.

I experienced tremendous support and love from everyone present. I am almost glad that things went wrong, otherwise I would never have encountered this friendship and solidarity.

It is strengthening, reassuring. I can rely on this memory in the daily struggle, when difficulties reoccur.