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Monday, February 26, 2018


Human nature.
When you are sick, disabled, you have the opportunity to experience the surfacing of an ancient predator instinct in people. That’s when their aggression –verbal, or physical- is directed towards others who are weakened –the prey.
Maltreatment, or abuse can come from various directions; whether from people whose job is to supervise if you are indeed in need of aid, or from a person you think you should be able to trust.

Nobody, in the prey position, is ready to give up. Assuming that they deserve what’s coming, is like accusing a woman of being guilty of her own rape, because she was too sexy.


Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Privacy.
Illness makes you dependent on care, help, attention. Dependency causes other people to think they can determine your every need, move, thought.
That results in a loss of privacy, autonomy, independence.

It is almost impossible to explain why you want something done this way (your own way), when someone else, who lends a hand, wants it that way. People who can help without trying to switch off your head are a rarity. People who can let you be who you are and what you are, that’s not common. It will be taken as lack of gratitude, or cooperative spirit when you keep to your ideas, or manners. When someone makes an effort (sometimes quite big) to assist you, it is understandable they choose to do it in the most efficient way, for them. Still, there are moments I wish I was a cabbagehead, while being able to think is my only fortune. Apart from the kids.

Privacy is something I said farewell to a long time ago. I don’t have any privacy. At all. Only in my head, I do. That makes it extremely difficult to let go of exactly that ability. To be able to think straight. Have my own ideas, preferences, convictions.
Practise, practise, practise.