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Sunday, August 28, 2016

Wherever.
Drifting from one place to another, it took years before I began to belong.
Now I seem to have difficulties to cut myself loose.
Never expected to earthen this way. Not wanting to leave again.

Little things restrain me. Perhaps I built a wall of commodities around myself to contain me. A wall I have to dismantle to come to a new direction.

For I have to change course, not being able to follow the path I started.



Thursday, August 25, 2016

Friday, August 19, 2016

Children again.
In the first ten years they are sweet puppies.
Sorrow and joy are not very far from each other.
In the second ten year span, they are becoming themselves.
I’m trying to accept the adults they seem to grow into.

Can they welcome my aging?

I just hope that in the end we can appreciate one another.


Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Waiting.
Waiting for things to happen, or for the time to pass?
I would like to turn back time, if I could.
No, that’s not what I would like.
To step out of time and exist parallelly. 
No, not to exist.

Oh, yes I want to exist, I just don’t want to be ill.
And I don’t want to turn back time. I want to go forward.

Trying to find meaning in waiting. It is not just a practical thing; it’s a step between two moments in time.
Going with the flow.



Friday, August 12, 2016

Solitude again.
Coping with loneliness. Music helps. Doing something helps too. Being ill doesn’t help.

I was a busy bee, now I am depending on help.
The illusion of being independent seems far away.
It is not bad to be in need of aid. It is worse not being able to give a hand.
I am happy having someone around to support me.

It is like freedom; it is all inside. Keeping the fire alive.



Thursday, August 4, 2016

Doubt.
I always had a problem with being sure.
Although I have no trouble making a choice or having an opinion, I find questioning myself and everything and everyone around me one of the most important things in my life.

Often I give the impression as if I would be doubtful. I am not. Just unwilling to be positive. Every now and then I am, but mostly I’m ready to inquire.

Asking questions, questioning oneself and others or other things, is an act of freedom. A basic existential right.